Realization
by Syrae
Summary: Mac should've realized. She should have known. Now, she does. Epilogue is here!
1. Chapter 1

_This was something that dawned on me yesterday, and it's been playing in my head ever since. It's been written in an hour, I've globally spell checked it, but any left mistakes are my own._

 _A Tangled Webb II gone different. One shot._

* * *

Harm heared her sigh beside him. They'd been lying in the same bed for at least two hours, both tossing and turning and not getting any sleep. This was not how he had planned to rescue her. But the whole Op was messed up, and even though they had destroyed the missiles, the whole thing left a bad taste in his mouth.

They had been throwing insults at each other, not saying what they wanted to say at all. At least, he wasn't. He couldn't speak for Mac, but he was pretty sure this wasn't what she'd had in mind either. Maybe they should table this whole discussion until at least one of them was of sound mind to do so.

He heard her sigh again. Maybe not. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She wasn't budging. But he knew her too well to know she was pissed. Furious.

"Clearly, there was something on your mind."

"Oh, I have a lot to say." She glared at him.

"Well, spit it out." He was done with the riddles. If she wanted to have a go at him, he wasn't backing down now. Honestly, they were long overdue to have this conversation. If he couldn't make her believe now, he never would. There was nothing left to lose, anyway.

"Okay." She turned to him, propping her head up on her hand. "I have a question for you. You resign your commission, and you travel 5,000 miles to find me and damn near get killed. Well, riddle me this, Flyboy, _why_?"

He looked her squarely in the eye. "I think you know why."

"Do I?" Damn this man. Mac was tired of this push and pull. For once she'd like to have a straight up answer. Couldn't he at least give her that? She studied his face, the look in his eyes and suddenly it clicked. She was transported back to a conversation they, well, she mostly, had a few years before.

 _"What are you willing to give up to have me? Mic gave up the navy and his country. Would you sacrifice your girlfriend?"_

Somewhere deep down Mac knew she had no right to ask that question. Hell, she threw it in his face and didn't even stick around long enough for him to gather his thoughts and hear his answer. Yet, two years later, here he was. Hadn't she told him earlier that that job was his life?

Harm's gaze didn't even waver. If she wasn't going to get it now, she never would. He was afraid she never would. He was done chasing her. If she didn't understand, he wasn't going to make her. This was it. "You do, Mac. You do know," he whispered.

He watched as realization dawned on her. It lit up her eyes in a way nothing had ever done before. She swallowed. She knew this man. She knew that as eloquent Harm was in the courtroom, he would never let only words do the talking in his personal life. He would let his actions speak. And he was here. And he had resigned his commission to come and find her. He had nothing left to lose. Except for her. Always her.

"This is your answer, isn't it? You'd throw away the career you have worked so hard for, for a country that you love, to come and find me?" Tears welled up, and she used all the willpower she possessed not to let them spill. "There are only two other people you've done this for…" Tears spilled anyway. "You love me." It came out hesitant. Soft. Full of awe and question.

Harm let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Thank God. She did get it. "I love you," he confirmed quietly.

"That much?"

Carefully, he wiped tears from her face. "Much, much more than that. So much more, Mac."

Still, she wasn't convinced he had done the right thing. "But resigning your commission, not knowing if I was still alive or not…"

He didn't care. "It's a job. Sure, it was an important job. There will be others. There's only one you, Mac. I just had to get you back."

"Or die trying," she echoed words from years before.

His lips pulled up. "Or die trying."

Without words, she flung herself at him, searching for a physical confirmation that he was here, that they were alive, that he loved her. Her move burst a dam that they'd been building for years. No holding back now. Tongues dueled, clothes were thrown and no words were spoken for a long, long time.

Later, as they both laid spent in tangled sheets, she pressed a kiss just below his cheek. "Just for the record, I do love you, too."

His hold on her tightened as he smoothed his hand down her back. "Good. Does that mean that you're going to provide for us when we get back?"

A low chuckle escaped her throat. Then she grew serious as she lifted her head to rest her chin on his shoulder. "It means that we'll figure everything out together."

He nodded. This mess would have a huge falling out, he knew that. And he wasn't sure the Admiral was going to take him back. But he had her. And he had done everything he could to keep her. "Together," he repeated. "You and me."

Mac nodded, brushing her lips across his. "You and me. Us. Together."


	2. Chapter 2

_Fine, you wanted more. Here's more. ;-) Don't expect this to go on forever, I'm writing a much happier fic right now, so I'll add another 2 to 3 chaps and declare it done._

 _Steamboat, you need to login so I can properly respond to your reviews! But thank you and you're welcome._

 _This part is inspired by McRose's_ Having each others back _, so Jan, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind I've borrowed some things because it was so brilliant. In the original ep, Mac wasn't pissed enough. Let's see if this passes as furious, shall we?_

* * *

This was not how it was supposed to go.

Mac had had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach ever since she'd set foot back in the JAG HQ's building. The Admiral was giving Harm a dressing down she both hadn't expected and wasn't prepared for. This was not how it was supposed to happen. They were both supposed to come back, get settled in again and life would go on.

"Sir, he saved my life!" she heard herself protest.

Apparently, the Admiral was done. "Well, put him on your payroll! Mac, I am glad to see you, but I am equally fed up with this man's lack of dependability. You know, Rabb, you're not a team player. You never consider the big picture and you are completely controlled by your emotions."

Harm saw no point in denying it. "Can't argue with that, sir."

"If it wasn't for his emotions, I wouldn't be standing here!"

Harm's eyes drifted to hers for a split second. "You don't have to defend me, Mac."

"The hell I don't!" She stood straighter. "We _all_ obeyed the order to stay away from him during his murder trial. I did, too. We were all supposed to drop him like a hot potato, because the SecNav's aid was at your throat because we do things a little unconventional in this office, every once in a while. And here I thought that was what made us such good investigators. What made us all a team."

The Admiral opened his mouth to interrupt, but she didn't even see it. This whole situation was upside down, and her last resolve to hold her anger in had snapped. She wasn't going to rein herself in anymore, and she sure as hell wasn't going to let him take it out on Harm.

"Isn't that why you usually send us in together, sir? That's what makes us your best investigators, is it not? He has my back, I have his. I add rational to his passion and the other way around."

"Mac, I can't send the man out at every hunch he feels he has to follow." He was not ready to back down yet.

What? "A _hunch_? That's rich, especially from you, Admiral. _I'm_ good enough to point at some coordinates on a map, on what pretty much everybody would consider a _hunch_ , but you won't trust him to tell you something is wrong with me?"

"What's your point, Mac?" The Admiral was getting impatient.

Mac could care less. "Did you even expect to see me back, sir?"

"Excuse me, Colonel?"

She was going to cross the line. Damn her career. She didn't even want it anymore. Her eyes flashed with barely contained fury. "It's an easy enough question, isn't it? Did you expect to see me back?"

"Of course I did. I…"

"Then why did you send me in alone?"

"I didn't send you in alone. You had Webb to back you up, and Gunny…"

She huffed. "And the entire CIA? Because that's their MO, right? 'Leave no man behind', rather than 'if your cover is blown, we don't know you'." Ruefully, she shook her head. "I should have realized something was amiss when Webb came in here asking for me by myself, without specific reasons as to why he wanted me. He has more than enough agents with my skills at his disposal, yet he came here for me. You and he both should have known Harm and I get these missions done _together_. Do I need to remind you of the Declaration? Or the Sudanese embassy? But then again, I don't usually second guess orders from my Commanding Officer."

"This was on a volunteer basis…"

Oh, no. He wasn't going to throw it back into her face. "Was it? I believe your exact words were: 'Webb's requested that you be assigned to him TAD. I've agreed.' Where does that leave room for volunteering?"

"Mac, you don't understand…"

Raising to her full length, she looked the Admiral in the eye, every inch of her squared away Marine. "I understand plenty, sir. I'm good enough to follow Harm to Russia for a dispassionate plan, twice, and I'm good enough to point at a map so someone can go find him in the middle of an ocean thousands of miles away, but when _he_ comes and tells you that _he_ can feel something's gone wrong, _I'm_ suddenly not a good enough officer, Chief of Staff and friend to come and find." Mac clenched her jaw. "Although for the life of me I can't figure out what it was, I apologize for whatever I must've done wrong to lose your respect, Admiral. Because the Admiral Chegwidden I used to know, would never leave either of us hung out to dry the way you did."

Was that what she felt had happened? "You've never lost my respect, Colonel," he quietly offered.

"Then I must have never had it in the first place." She stood at attention. "I won't work for someone who takes his anger out on his subordinates, sir. There are plenty of other career opportunities out there for me, where people would be happy to have me, who would value my work and my input. I should have realized." Her gaze fixed itself on a spot behind his desk. "Expect my letter of resignation on your desk within the hour. I hope you'll do me the courtesy of processing it, this time."


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, favorites and follows, everyone. :-)_

 _Jan: Yeah, the memories, right? I feel the same. Glad to hear you liked it._

 _Cassandra: True, that would've worked as well. Mac is done, though. Clean break. They were going to figure it out together, remember? She's choosing them._

* * *

"You don't have to do this."

Mac finished the signature under her resignation letter with a flourish before she looked up at Harm. "I do."

"You could ask for a transfer."

"And let you have all the fun out of military life?" She shook her head. "The Admiral crossed a line. If he told me I could volunteer for this mission, I would've declined, knowing that you needed to find your feet after the whole NCIS mess. You really think I would've abandoned you after all you'd been through if it wasn't for direct orders?"

Not willingly, no. He should've realized. There was that damned word again. They should've realized a lot of things about each other a whole lot sooner so they wouldn't be in this mess at all. "I hope not. I'm sorry, Mac, I should've understood that. You've been with me through hell and back. I know you'd never leave me. My head was just not screwed on right."

She smiled. "Well, that makes two of us. I should've explained the situation better instead of accusing you of only being interested when I have one foot out the door. It's something we can work on." She rose, opening her briefcase and stashing her photographs into it. "Besides, you really think you'd be happy being a military husband?"

"Hey," he shrugged, "I'll find a decent job, raise the kids… Don't see how that has any downsides." Then his eyes turned serious again. "You know I'll be the proudest husband on the block, Mac, whether you're still a Marine or not."

Clicking her briefcase closed, she nodded. "But I promised you something back in Paraguay, remember? When you asked me if I was going to provide for the both of us?"

"We'd figure it out together."

"We're going to figure it out together." Looking around, she decided that all the memories she wanted to keep were in her briefcase. Everything else, she'd ask Jen or Harriet to pack and she'd stop by later to get them. She wanted out of here. The next phase of their lives was beginning and it couldn't come soon enough. "Are you about ready to go?"

Harm held up the box in his hands. "You don't want to take your diplomas?"

"There's room in there?"

"There is." Might as well get it over with. As Harm packed the last of her personal things, Mac went to deliver her letter to the Admiral.

He looked warily at her as she stood at attention in front of his desk. "There's nothing I can say to make this better, can I?"

"No, sir."

"Why not just take a transfer?"

"I'd rather resign, sir."

"And throw away sixteen years of service?"

She didn't answer, her gaze again, fixed on the spot on the wall behind him. The Admiral let his breath out. "As you wish. Dismissed, Colonel."

"Aye aye, sir." Making a perfect about face, she exited his office for the last time.

Outside the bullpen, in the hallway, she found Bud with a pained look on his face and Harriet nearly in tears. She sighed. "Harriet, we'll come by tonight, okay? This is hardly the place to explain what's happened." She squeezed her friend's hand. "We're not going anywhere yet, we're just going to take different jobs."

"But, ma'am…"

The elevator doors opened and Harm went to stand in the door opening. "Harriet, we promise we're not going to disappear. Tonight, okay? We have to go now."

With one last smile, Mac stepped into the elevator and they began the silent ride down. A few minutes later, Harm closed the trunk of the Lexus and looked at her. "So, now what, Mrs. Rabb?"

Slowly, her focus shifted from her surroundings to him. "We actually did that, didn't we?" She fingered the still new ring on the fourth finger of her left hand.

He grinned. "Well, there was a hill. And there was you and me, a priest, and vows. I just couldn't order goats on such short notice." Reaching over, he brushed hair behind her ear.

"It was perfect anyway."

"Glad to hear I at least got that part right."

There had been a 48-hour layover in Arizona, and Harm had proposed as a spur of the moment thing. No matter what the Admiral might do, he wasn't going to let her go now that he had her. They had filled out their license as soon as the court house opened, and arrived in DC as a married couple.

Harm doubted his mother was going to be thrilled, but as she and Frank were in the Bahamas, pretty much out of reach, he didn't really care. Plenty of time to introduce them to Mac later. Besides, Mac's dream wedding had been the two of them, and that was exactly what she got. Maybe they'd throw a party for their friends later.

Mac took the two steps to him and leaned against him as his arms came around her. "Why don't you take me home so I can change, and we'll go get coffee somewhere and figure out what it is we want now that the world is at our feet again? I want out of this uniform."

"Your place it is." Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he let go of her.

Mac looked up at the JAG building for a moment, before opening the car door and getting in. No regrets. In fact, she hadn't felt this free in years.

* * *

 _Epilogue to follow_


	4. Chapter 4

_I had promised you an epilogue, hadn't I? It took me a while to find the right tone for it, but here it is. Hope it lives up to the expectation. ;-) Enjoy!_

* * *

She hadn't expected to be back here. But she was, and with good reason.

She reached for her husband's hand, who weaved his fingers through hers and gently squeezed. He knew she'd dragged herself from the safety of their home to give him the chance to show their kids their heritage.

After they had resigned, life had been a whirlwind. Starting a new life had come with more technicalities than just changing her marital status and last name. She hadn't minded. They were together; from now on they would tackle everything together and that was going to be good. It's why they worked so well together.

That first year, there had been no time to think about the life they had left behind. Harm got an offer from an old Academy friend to take over his flight school; an offer they had accepted. Within two weeks, her apartment was empty, furniture sold or given to charity. His was sold the week after, and what little possessions they decided to keep were easily packed and shipped. And so life began.

It was fun to see him light up at the airfield. She tackled the administrative side of it all. Being together 24/7 was something they both had to get used to, and they clashed more than they would've liked, but in the end they found a rhythm that worked for them both. It meant she volunteered with the local shelter and was away from the school for a day in the week, and they hired part-time help.

Then her surprise pregnancy happened, and life took another spin. That first year happiness followed victory in quick succession, and while trying to settle in, there was no time to think what was left behind. Through the grapevine that was Harriet, she heard that he retired not long after they left, but she was so happy in her current life, that she didn't dwell on it.

Life settled down after their son was born. The flight school took off. Harm proved to be a better teacher than she had ever thought he could be, and within five years they were on of the best flight schools in the State. In all honesty, she didn't miss the military as much as she first had thought she would. Her second pregnancy two years after Lucas made that they had their hands full, anyway.

It had been twelve years. Lucas was eleven, Sierra eight. Their kids were growing up. And of course Harm had wanted to visit the Wall for the fortieth anniversary of the Vietnam War. Although the kids knew little of their life before the flight school, she wasn't going to deprive them of this experience. After all, she and Harm had been proud military members, once upon a time. And if Lucas was as much his father as she thought he was, he'd end up in the current equivalent of a Tomcat anyway.

Harm was explaining something about the Vietnam War, in the way he could tell a story that would capture your entire attention. She had heard it all before, and took the time to look around. As much as she had once loved this place, this morning, as she looked out of her hotel room window, she wished for her the view on their back porch and the golden pink light of the rising sun.

Being here, she wondered. They kept in touch with Bud and Harriet for birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, so every now and then she heard snippets of military life. Things had changed. Bud had retired when his twenty were in and was now working for a private law firm somewhere in the city. Harriet had entered the reserves when she was pregnant with the twins and hadn't returned. Their life was good. They were content.

Sturgis had married, and he and Varese had settled on the West Coast when he was transferred to San Diego. It was closer to their life in Arizona than it would've been to DC, but they were lucky to touch base with them once a year.

Mac felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise; a sign someone was watching. She turned her head, thinking it might be Bud and Harriet, who'd come early. But she didn't see their familiar faces. Frowning, she tilted her head in the other direction, thinking it was coming from the other sight. Things like this didn't happen without a reason. She had learned to trust her instinct even more since the kids.

At last, she spotted him. He was standing a few yards away, squinting against the sun. Although she hadn't seen him in twelve years, she would recognize that stance anywhere. For a moment, she looked him up and down, knowing he couldn't see it if she did. He looked older, a bit more wary.

Sometimes she had wondered what she would do if she ran into him again, slim as that chance was. She'd let go of the anger a while ago. There was no point. He'd done what he had done, for whatever reason, and she could hang on to that anger, or choose to be happy and move on. Other than marrying Harm, it was one of the best decisions she had ever made.

The sun rose and their eyes locked. His eyes betrayed his surprise at seeing her, by now tucked under Harm's arm. Then a slow, careful smile tugged on the corners of his lips and he dipped his chin in silent greeting. Mac returned it.

His eyes took in a the scene; Harm talking to two smaller versions standing in front of him and Mac; judging by the way the oldest was standing, his son. That ramrod spine screamed Rabb. The younger one was more feminine, elegant. All Mac.

Mac nodded in silent confirmation, that they were indeed, their kids. She let her breath out when he mouthed two words. "I'm sorry."

Another dip of her chin in acknowledgement of his apology. She didn't want to alarm Harm. She'd tell him later. The kids were too intently listening and enjoying this moment to let this overshadow it. With one last look, she turned her head back to her husband and kids.

Harm looked down at her, the question in his eyes. He could always read her better than she gave him credit for. "You okay?"

She smiled up at him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "Perfectly happy."

Knowing he'd get the whole answer out of her later, he nodded, kissing her forehead. "Okay."

When she looked back over her shoulder as they walked away from the Wall, he was gone. Mac knew it was the last time she'd seen him. And it was closure, in some strange way. Then the kids called for her attention, and she focused back on them.

Still no regrets.


End file.
